Let’s get one thing straight: healing isn’t about “getting over it.” And it’s not about turning your pain into something beautiful so everyone else feels inspired.
Healing is messy. Slow. Sometimes boring. Sometimes infuriating. And more than anything—it’s hard to believe you even deserve it when all you’ve known is survival.
This is what keeps a lot of people stuck. Not the trauma itself, but the belief that they somehow caused it, deserved it, or are just too broken to move past it.
Maybe someone told you you were too sensitive. Maybe they said, “It wasn’t that bad,” or compared your pain to someone else’s and made it feel small. Maybe the people who hurt you were the same people who told you they loved you—and that confusion got so baked into your brain, you started thinking love must always come with pain.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. It takes time to unlearn that. And no, you don’t have to be grateful for the trauma to grow from it. You just have to give yourself permission to want something better.
Here’s something no one tells you about healing: The first part often feels worse than staying hurt. Because hurt is familiar. Hurt has a routine. Healing disrupts that.
It asks you to challenge the way you speak to yourself. It asks you to set boundaries, say no, take up space. It asks you to risk being visible after years of hiding. That’s not easy. But it’s possible.
Start small. Find one voice—maybe a therapist, a book, a group—who doesn’t shame you for your story. Let yourself be angry, sad, confused. It’s all part of it. What matters is that you keep going.
You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to be inspiring. You just need to believe—on your best day or your worst—that you are worth the work it takes to heal.
Because you are.